My first stop on the way to Mersea was with Mark and Caz in Slough, as they were donating a much needed rear damper for my matt blacker. Guess what? I was late.After we all packed, fitted, checked and checked again, our mid-day departure took off around 4pm. A leisurely ride around the M25 saw us reuniting a lad from the West Country with his companions, before we left the beaten track, and continued along the scenic route. By the way, does anyone know who burnt down South Mimms Service Station?

All was going well until we met a horse. The horse in question was being led by its owner through a small village about 6 miles from Mersea Island. Being conscientious kinda people, we slowed down and cut our engines so as not to startle the poor thing. Caz's scoot was in fact too startled to re-start and after numerous attempts at coaxing life into the engine, it turned up its toes and seized solid. Bugger! Having had previous experience in these situations, we soon crafted a tow line and lashed the TS1 to the back of my chop for the last part of our journey. Not the best thing to do on unlit country roads at night, but quite funny when you look back on it later. We made it fairly safely with only a couple of hiccups. Mark (who was being towed) saw a racing line appear on my outside and tried to overtake me, so in return, I neglected to inform him of my change down into third on a left hander. Ha, ha, ha...

On arrival at the site we were relieved of our tickets and given goodie bags instead (mine had Tim Brooke Taylor inside). My scoot then proceeded in an orderly fashion at 5mph for about 20 yards before seizing solid. Bollocks. Well, at least it gives me something to do I suppose. So, after an erection in the dark we met up with my brother (who had already mine-swept a bottle of cider) and went to partake in the evenings entertainment.

For those that have never been to a Mersea Island Scooter rally there are three venues of entertainment provided. A marquee with live bands, the main room with traditional sounds and a canteen that turns into a modern dance room after dark. Being an inquisitive journalistic type, I set about visiting them all.

The first band on Friday night sounded good as we put up our tents and I caught the end of the second lot which also seemed to keep those in attendance happy. At 11pm the marquee turned off the music and turned into a chill out zone. I was well beyond chilling, and so wandered over to the canteen to make some shapes with my hands. Boxes, fishes the lot. It was good to see all sorts of scooterists in this room from skins to mods, young and old. Variety is after all the spice of life.

About three in the morning, the canteen too closed down. Due to the damp weather, the fire situation was looking grim and as much as I love a good burning, tonight I was prepared to let it lie. Back to the main room and to the only music left, was what the doctor ordered instead. On the way back, we diverted through the food tent where, I'm glad to say, munchies were still available.

My strict diet of vodka and Red Bull needed no supplement, but the rest of my comrades took full advantage of these facilities. After last years fiasco with the caterers, Colchester DVLC promised they'd sort it out. True to their word it seemed to be working. Back in the main room, the crowd had thinned only slightly so as to be able to walk across to the toilets. People were still up dancing, even though the bars were closing. Mine-sweeping seemed to be an occupation that everyone was taking part in.

Daylight dawned and still the last record was being played, despite the DJ now being locked away in his booth. The beach was the setting for the end of my evening, and after watching someone vainly trying to ignite a pile of damp seaweed, I at last rested my head. When I next opened my eyes it was raining, and then I remembered it was summer, so that's OK.

Saturday was packed full of entertainment provided by the DVLC. Unfortunately the weather put paid to some of it, but the silly bits still carried on regardless. I mean if the idea of these games is to make you wet and suffer you may as well drag the spectators down with you.

I slept through the football in the morning and there will be a separate report elsewhere in the mag regarding the grass track racing. The tug of wars were cancelled which left "It's A Knockout" to entertain me. Excellent. Four teams were required to enter and they all had to be as mad as hatters. What was to follow would damage their health, their scooters and their mentality.

Various games, for which points were awarded, took place over the next few hours with commentary on the proceedings from the MC, Dave Porter. This guy should be on telly! He was sarky, had good one liners and kept the audience well informed and entertained during the changeover of events. It was nearly worth getting soaked to listen to his patter. The games themselves were as silly as you would expect, silly. Riding scooters when blindfolded with a pillion carrying a bucket of water is always a good laugh, as is a soggy pillion fight on a slippery pole.

A mention must go to the Screaming Perverts who had built a lovely little scooter (with lots of interesting sign writing) for the games. Needless to say this ended up in a bale of hay. One game that did stick in people's minds was the bonus round and I think it stuck in a few throats too. One bloke from each team was asked to strip to his undies, stand in the middle of the arena and take part in an eating contest. On the menu were old pickled eggs, beer and last night's vindaloo. As if this wasn't enough, soon after they got started, four young ladies ran up and started to fill their best Marks and Sparks with pints of maggots. If anything was going to keep me standing in a soggy field all afternoon, this was it. After this the games went comparatively tame.

The bungee run was next and once again involved water. This was followed by the Beer and Banana Race, with a twist. Instead of just bananas the eating part also included Weetabix and pickled eggs. Wolfy was the star of the show by throwing up every possible minute. I am now proud to say that following his antics over the last year, I must have an album's worth of photos portraying him emptying his stomach at various events. On second thoughts, am I proud of this or not? Only one team can win though, and despite a very close finish, the Mad Mods & Englishmen took the honours. Mind you, every team that entered deserves a medal for taking part in this event and providing us all with a laugh. So thanks to the A470 Jokers (2nd), Basildon Soul Runners and Screaming Perverts.

It was about now that the heavens opened big style. With two hours to go before the football kicked off, I decided that rather than be stuck in a hall with a load of wet people, I'd go off and sit in a field and fix my bike. Back at Base Camp Alpha, I discovered that Mark had the same thoughts and had stripped the engine of their machine to find that the reeds and piston had initially intertwined, shortly before doing a great job of disintegrating. Mine had a a marginally more minor problem of a stator plate trying to break free and machining the fly wheel in the process. But this was nothing a file, a hammer and a bit of 'Studlock' couldn't cure! Whilst I was busy fixing, Bob kindly cooked up a pasta on his meths stove and on completion of food and bike, together with the arrival of Chris and Steve from Brighton, we headed over to the main hall to watch the footie.

For some reason, England's matches during rallies do not seem to be going too well this year. Never mind, there's always the Custom Show, body piercing or Gyroscope to visit instead! ScooTech had brought along some little Goped scooters, which were providing entertainment for those brave enough to have a go. As far as dealers went, I guess the guy selling the army surplus did well, considering the weather.

Early evening saw people heading towards food and as the weather had calmed down, I went back to my temporary home for more spirits and a quick change into drier clothes. On walking through the campsite and witnessing various people baling out tents, the conclusion was reached that this could well be one of the soggiest rallies I've attended in recent times. Still being a Glastonbury veteran, I was not going to be troubled by this in the slightest. Well, until the mud reached knee deep at least.

My first move of the evening was in the traditional room and it took the form of a slide and a stumble. With no face to save I got a beer and headed towards the marquee to catch some live music. The theme for the weekends bands seemed to be the occasional Small Faces cover, with some numbers being played more than onceby different bands. Being as nobody made a hash of these, it was certainly not aproblem and invoked a few good sing-a-longs. I remember the good old days when we used to have nostalgia.

The last band of the weekend were Small World who were a Mod revival band during the eighties. I know nothing about that, but by the end of the night, they were banging out some great' hits of the sixties' which the crowd certainly enjoyed, as the band kept coming back for"just one more"! My watch was on my wrist and yet I knew not of its workings.

All that I know is that during all of this, food, in the form of little fairy cakes suddenly appeared, firstly from Glen and then followed by Doris. This sort of community spirit needs applauding and of course, eating. The expression 'away with the fairies' rings a very recognisable bell.

The raffle was also drawn in the marquee and the lucky winner of the PX200 disc was Katherine Seibold. To a good humoured chorus of the Dambusters theme, the lucky German lass took to the stage to claim her prize.

Outside the weather was holding off, and people were congregating in the playground to take full advantage of the sea air and space in which to meet and greet. The main room was going strong, and the DJ had been let out of his booth from the previous night. He soon had people churning up the sawdust like there was no tomorrow.

The dance room opened its doors at 9 and was soon packed with sweaty bodies. Once these were removed, the dancing could start and it carried on until the wee hours of the morning.

It was about this time that we went to investigate the fire, although our hopes were not set too high. Our newly found firestarter was the first to brave it but, unimpressed, we sat inside waiting for the flames to begin. During this time one of our chaps went pear shaped, and as we later moved out to admire our firestarters creation, Mr Wobbly's knees left this planet. This was the man who had eaten more than his fair share of fairies.

The fire itself was pretty impressive, especially when you consider it had been raining for the best part of the day. We tried to persuade a couple of people to ride into the sea, just for fun of course, but they weren't drunk enough, so all that was left for me to do was to have a final dance and go to bed. Thoroughly knackered, thoroughly brain dead, but a good time, it seems, was had by all.

Sunday was most pleasant with the sun shining, the birds singing and a TS1 in the tent that still needed repairing. Bugger. Jahspeed were running a relay of parts to the site and eventually found a piston that would fit. The nice chaps from the AA rewelded the reed block and by mid afternoon, we were on our way. On the way back for the IOW last week, whilst attending another breakdown, we bumped into the East Kent Sovereigns. Jokingly we arranged a get together on the A12 after this rally. Yes, you've guessed it. The only other people struggling home at this time of the day were from their club. No offence peeps, but let's not try to meet like this again.

Andy

RESULTS
Furthest Travelled Club- UK- Up Yer Kilt SC
Furthest Travelled Club- Europe- Vulcans SC
Furthest Travelled Solo- UK -Alex Anderson Newquay
Furthest Travelled Solo- Overseas- Fabrice Seagul (Vulcans SC)
Best Attended Club- UK- Mad Mods & Englishmen SC
Best Attended Club- Europe -Sweden (17)
It's A Knockout Winners- Mad Mods & Englishmen SC (22) Runners up- A470 & The Jokers SC
Football Winners- Norwich Cossy Caff Guts
PX200 Disc Raffle Winner- Katherine Seibold, Germany

CUSTOM SHOW
Best Lambretta- Malcolm Price, Benfleet
Best Vespa- Dave Taylor, Lincoln
Best Chopper- Kelvin Humphry ,Chatham
Best Mod- Terry Merchant, Stanford
Best Vintage- Mark Dyble, Pink Pigs SC -Great Yarmouth
Best Custom- Martin Reeves, Mad Mods SC
Best Overall- Richard Tyrell ,Wasps SC -Great Yarmouth
Punters Choice- David Juniper, Chelmsford