MY CURRANT BUN
Once more over the bridge along the windy Essex roads, and through the farm, to Colchester DVLC's remote holiday park retreat. With Kim, 'Nieve' and co waiting on the gate, wristband and goody bags at the ready.

Today however is very special, unlike Mersea Rally folklore has it (it always rains), the thingamie, what do you call it? - blazed in the sky, evaporating any foolish clouds that chanced their luck. Scorchio! Not long after I'd set up Scooterings mini encampment and was cooling my sweating brow on a can of Strongbow.

Over the way, groups of mesmerised Scooterists were gasping in awe at the visage of the new custom Lambretta "Not Without Glory". Another on the receiving end of some admiring glances was Richard from MAD (his new T5 disc), a scoot I'd imagine to be more than a few years away from a matt black makeover. Everywhere there were European Scooterists who had stayed over in Blighty during the week after the IOW rally. After a tackle from 2 Welsh girls who I'd wrestled bags from earlier (Ciao), and retrieved their kit, I put on my mingling pants - and set about the beer tasting.

THE MOTHS, HAVE EYES....
Cos of the loverly weather, we could do our chatting and bevvying outside this year. Depending on where you stood, between the main hall (AKA "Classic Room"- that's top Scooterists sounds pop pickers with DJ's Terry and Mark from Exeter, Geoff Ventriss, Marco and Shaun from the Scooter Willies). "The Marquee" (live music) and the "Food Marquee" (erm, food), you had all the 'nite time experience' without actually moving fifteen staggering steps - great.

While it was getting dusky outside, 'Grasp' Modpoppers from London, started off the weekend's gig with a stint on the stage that, suffered from a lack of audience participation - heck you've got to start somewhere though.

On a wander back to the van to see if the Ed' had arrived on his Runner, beside the bonfire stood 2 Dutch girls who were mesmerised watching spreading flames ferociously licking around a piece of wood. With mischievous grins they explained that they were bored and wanted something to do - there's always something for everyone at Mersea!

After the fireside fun, in a quest not to 'peak' too soon it was time to sample the culinary delights of the "Food Marquee". I needed to venture no further than the noodle bar, where I found you could gorge yourself silly on a huge tray of scoff in exchange for the shrapnel rattling about in your pockets - if good food is the new 'rock & roll' - let's get it on!

Drowning out my noisy mastication, and making a racket next door in "The Marquee" were 'Freud', if guitar driven pop shakes your money maker, then 'Freud' might be right up your alley. Their potentially stratospheric sound was (for me) the musical highlight of the weekend. If they carry on like that, no doubt you'll see them soon on the telly. I've changed my mind, let 'rock & roll' be the new' rock & roll' - yeah!

With everywhere packed with jollied up funsters I slinked off into the "Dinner Hall" where mostly Trance was on the menu along with mouthfuls of smoke. With Steve the Boy Wonder and Dizzy spinning currently huge tracks. Lots of peeps larging it, arms in the air and legs to the bar, which - hey. hey, hey was open an hour longer than in the Main Hall. Where (randy) Jo (she is married) from the Hardly Rideables was making beer boys jealous - stealing thegirl whose knickers they were trying desperately hard to get into, then snogging her face off.

With parties still raging, I gave up trying to stay up till dawn and staggered back to my tent, where a squadron of mosquitos were waiting to party on my beer bloated naked body - gorging themselves silly on my addled red stuff, I'm sorry, I hope you're not eating!

DEAD END STREET
It wasn't long before the heat inside my melting tent, and dehydration from the night before, had me trying to defy gravity with a meander towards the showers.

Passing on my return, more traders than you could shake a stick at, pitched beside the road to the sea, that was I suppose not unlike a 'Scooterist High Street'. At No 7 the High St Mersea Island was 'Polish and Vomit' - Dave Juniper's latest entry into the Mersea book of infamous deeds. Proudly displaying his latest creation, a hurriedly built Lambretta LD racer 'sporting' a paper mache side car. Beside it was a wealth of G.S 150 parts that nobody was particularly interested in, save for a headlight reflector. "Sold to that German lad". Over the way from him at No 4 was Rob Skipsey and next door at No 6 was Millennium Scooters wide-boy Simon Lehane. Anyone could have lots of devilish fun, mig welding as monster bitza from their extensive stock of s/h Lambretta and Vespa bits and bobs - please!

Somewhere around 11ish the footy tournament erm kicked off with an early triumph for Sid James SC. Not being a huge fan of all the footy malarky, luckily away in the yonder distance was the sccotercross track - now that's more like it. Zooming around the sun baked circuit on machinery that looked like it had fallen off a lorry returning from the location shoot of another Mad Max film, were numerous riders suitable armoured for the contest. While Clare Gale was busy trying to be in 2 places at the same time (as usual) making sure the event ran to schedule ( in fact at all). And minutes later, spotted taking bookings from dealers for her Kwacker's Trade & Custom Show.

DO THE DOG
While walking back across the grass, I spotted someone riding about the site on a dog, eventually I chased him down as he circled past an encampment of boy scout tents. Turned out to be a Anton from Wilford in Essex, and he hadn't fed the family pet unleaded petrol then screwed a spark plug in it's arse then took the animal for a spin. In fact it was a heavily modified Yamaha Pasola moped. Anton's dad, Tony went on to explain that it was based on the family pet who had also come along with mum. Anton advised me to keep up the revs when I took the furry beast for a spin to 'fetch some film from the van', gleaning there and back admiring glances as I passed through the folk milling around the "High Street", not knowing whether to shout, beep or woof.

Back beside the "Food Marquee", the custom show had a premature start, with proud custom scooter owners parking beside Martin Leech's amazing (frustratingly) unfinished project Lambretta. With it's unique fibre glass sculpted bodywork painted primer red, racing this and that, and a sexy Jahspeed pipe.

THE DOGS OF WAR
It was now high noon and the time for the craziest Scootering event of the year, DVLC's 'It's a Knockout' competition. On the straw arena ably compered by DJ/Promoter (and complete psychopath) Dave Porter, assisted by the lovely Lynne, three teams competed for the honour of being the rally champions, included some brave Vulcans Internationale, the Mad Mods SC and South London Irradicals.

First event was "Use the Force Luke", a blindfolded scooter rider, with a bucket of water held above his head by a guiding passenger, driving through an obstacle course to deposit as much water as is left in large bucket. Next was the (7 pints for everyone) beer and banana race. Which saw the honorary Mad Mod driver and Wolfy throwing up over Lynne.

After a rather sedate "Scooter Island", the "Bugee Run" came to a dramatic close with a burning bale of straw (proving handy having all the water to put it out). Then the rope disintegrating during the last session. "Wet Pillow Fight" saw strategy playing a key part, basically if you tried to hit your opponent with your soppy pillow - you lost. With the hyped up audience baying for the teams, the next event "Scooterists Endurance UK" was a corker. The guinea pigs were stripped to their undies, then sat in a water tank, while 3 team members gathered mud from the beach- till it was waist deep. If 'Dastardly' Dave had remembered some bacon - the crabs that infested the polluted sludge, would have been tripping over themselves to get into the contestants pants. On the delightful menu courtesy of the DVLC were Baby Octopus which French David wasn't keen on at all "non"! Then Jellied Eels (every Londoners favourite dish), Paul and (still vomiting) Wolfy had no problems at this stage. Then warm Guiness, force fed through a dirty traffic cone. Then followed by a yummy Tapioca dessert, which considering what was next was pretty mild. While Wolfy put a live mud and vomit encrusted crab in his mouth, Paul drank his second Guiness- this time with 1/3 of a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Mud and sick was flying in all directions, and the audience that crowded in to see the 'fun' were soon splattered too! 'Dangerous'Dave chips in "I'm sorry if you couldn't see it all- but it would have made you chuck if you did". Choice words you madman.

Then finally it was the tug of war, where distant figures far out on the mud flats yo and heaved ho. Coming in from behind, surging ahead at the end were the Mad Mods (they expect to win next year, join in and show them how it's done). The less said about the "Scooter Tug of War" the better, except that Tarquin from the St John's Ambulance was apparently heard exclaiming "I can't remember putting a splint there" while attending to a nasty cut on Wolfy's thigh.

In the custom show judged by Kev Walsh, Rob Quartermain and John Howe, there was the gorgeous glossy black German Vespa cut down that has been to many UK rallies this year. The splendid 'Not Without Glory'GP and Madness' (Dave Close) from Bradford Discharge SC "Progress" Chopper (issue158). And of course lots more, winners listed at the end.

TATTOO YOU
On an evening wander around the tents, I saw once again Vincent Sannier. A French freelance photographer who had been busily posing tattooed scooterists for most of the last two weekends, while working on a commission for a French tattoo magazine. Vincent was sat amongst the 'Ave Vou Un Cuppa?'SC (Vulcans) who were happily passing around a bottle of Ricard, which I had to drink before any chance of moving on. The words of an equally compromised Mr Porter came to mind when I was gulping down a mouthful. "If I want aniseed I'll suck a bloody gobstopper - no thank you". Smelling all nice and fresh, and generously endowed with a buxom pair of burgers from the Thetford's Bucaneers SC barbie (chin-chin lads). It was finally time to find my beer goggles and pulling pants and party like it's 1999.

VERTICAL TAKE OFF
Sauntering towards "The Marquee"(after paying my respects to Mr Hedges'open all hours tarpaulin supermarket), doing their stuff were Chelmsford lads 'Grasp' who I last saw on their Lmabrettas, minutes before the start of the C.C.I. Rideout the previous week. Anyhow I skulked off to the bar when I realised they were far too young and talented for their own good - check them out!

During the evening a climbing wall was set up in the ( busy) area between the various marquees. For 50p you had as much time as you needed to climb the 3 at a time structure (helmets and harnesses were not optional). Unluckily for me, I never had a chance to play 'vertigo attack', as the thing was driven away before the end of the raffle presentation.

Must have been around this time when '79 revival' heroes 'The Circles' were on stage. 'Angry Voices' for me is still a song that gets the hairs on the back of my neck to do weird things.

RIP IT UP AND START AGAIN
After the live music, the raffle top prize of a 'JD Javelin' (to the value of £3000). Mick Walker from' the Circles' pulled from a box two winning tickets - Les Thorn from Leicester Phoenix SC won a £50 voucher, and Dave Porter had fun teasing the crowd counting down the winners address, North ,Yorkshire, Bridlington etc. Lucky P Lister scooped the biggie.

Later in the bar chatting to Buccaneer SC member Ferdy about his 'Ghost Town' scooter, he told me that racism drove him away from the scene, on his return he has found most of the right wing element to have thankfully moved on.

In the Main Hall, Northern Soul made way for a few hours of skanking. Over in the "Dinner Hall" Rapture Records DJ's Jeff Kemp, Matt Drayton and Jon Henry had folk dilating retinas, in a trance doing the big fish little fish- lost in a thick cloud of lazer shredded smoke.

Winding down after all the mania, I remember being back at the bonfire, amazed that there were so many straw bales to burn, and how much heat came at you if you poked the mound with a stick. The only thing for me, was to join the hung- over mozzies waiting for me back in my tent.

I BELIEVE IN VENGEANCE
Rob Skipsey is a man destined for heaven, from his truck boomed out religious classical music bollocks early on Sunday morning. Again! Shattering skulls with sonic booms. I then spent some time considering a jury's verdict if I bludgeoned him into jelly with a basket of his bobbins.

Later while packing up, the Sid James SC boys were ogling the gusset of a girl who relaxing in the sunshine, unawares of all the schoolboy antics nearby. "Get your camera - but don't stare!" After a duck billed dinner date with 'Mr & Mrs Wallace' in Chelmsford, the Mersea Island weather finally broke on Sunday afternoon. Gary and myself made an eventful 7 hour journey back to Weston Super Mare, scooting through numerous thunderstorms on the way. 1500 of you out there made the weekend unmissable - thank you.

Alex

CUSTOM SHOW RESULTS
Best of Show- Not Without Glory
Best Vespa- Skin Complaint
Best Lambretta- DWS J352
Best Custom- Not Without Glory
Best Vintage- Red/White Lambretta S1 TVE 169
Best Streetracer- Too Fast Too Last
Best Cutdown Chop- Red GP Combo DWC 903H
Punters Choice- Polish and Vomit
Best Oddity- Dog

Best Club UK- Mad Mods & Englishmen
Best Club Overseas- Vespa Club of Hamburg (Reepbahn)
Furthest Travelled UK- Plymouth Stompers
Furthest Travelled Overseas- Vespa Club of Hamburg (Reepbahn)
Furthest Travelled Solo UK- Adi from Scotland
Furthest Travelled Solo Overseas- Luke from Austria
Footy- Cossy Caffguts SC
It's a Knockout-Mad Mods & Englishmen SC
Best Club Member(DVLC)- Dom Roche